Sometimes, some of the most effective ways of increasing the well-being of ourselves and those around us are also the simplest ones. One of these is a conscious decision to pass on positive feedback whenever we hear it.
Most of us have probably been the subject of negative gossip at some point or another.
Even if you don’t hear it directly, it can still be very painful to think that people are saying nasty or untrue things behind your back. People are often very quick to judge, and some don’t have any hesitation in passing on their own negative judgments of people to others.
What would happen though if we all took the decision to be more proactive in passing on the positive comments that we hear about others instead?
In my own job, I am lucky in that I often hear positive things being said about others. When this happens I try and make a point of sending a quick email to tell this to the person concerned.
It takes less than a minute to do – but it is surprising how many times I have received a mail back saying how much of a difference that feedback made to the person’s day.
In a world of criticism and judgment it feels extra nice to say that complimentary things are also being said about you when you are not there!
In one organisation I worked for, they sometimes did an exercise called ‘positive gossip’. A working group would come together in the same room, and one person at a time was asked not to speak and to turn their chair away from the group.
The rest of the room would then ‘gossip’ about them, saying all the positive things that they had noticed about them and their way of working. The person being gossiped about was often surprised at what they heard – because most of the time they had no idea about all the things they were appreciated for.
The result was a much more positive vibe within the team, as well as each individual member feeling just a little bit more confident about themselves and their own capabilities.
Giving positive feedback is something I encourage my children to do too.
Whenever they tell me that a shop cashier has been extra friendly or someone has helped them in some way, I suggest that they make a point of saying this to the person directly and thanking them for it.
More than once after doing this they have run back grinning and saying: ‘They seemed really happy when I said that!’ and the result is that the day of two people has just improved at the same time.
A friend of mine, Maria, told me that she had sent an email once to a person in her town who worked for the local bank. The email praised her for doing a good job. Maria didn’t hear back from her but didn’t give it any more thought.
Five years later the two of them bumped into each other at a social occasion to which they had both been invited. The lady from the bank approached Maria and said: ‘I remember you!’
Maria was surprised at this, as the two of them hardly knew each other. She was even more surprised when the bank lady produced her wallet and took out a piece of paper from it.
The paper was a tattered printout of the email she had received from Maria five years earlier. She told Maria that she had carried it with her for the last five years, so that on difficult days she could look at it and remember that she was appreciated and valued by someone.
In a world where people often feel unseen or undervalued, it is worth remembering what a big impact a few positive words can have on how they feel about themselves.
Even if you don’t see it straightaway – by passing on good feedback you never know what a positive impact you might have on someone else’s day.
It takes very little effort, but the ripple effects are usually significant and long-lasting – an easy way to remind people just how valued they really are.