APRIL is always a poignant month for me because it is the anniversary of the time in my life a few years ago when I was struggling to find a cogent reason to stay alive. 

I recognise that for anyone who has never been to that darkest of places this kind of thought can feel very hard to understand. At the same time though and from talking to hundreds of people going through their own mental health struggles, I know there are countless people out there who will know just what that feeling of desperation looks like. 

I often make reference to my own history of depression when I facilitate wellbeing workshops. Not because the session is about me, but because I want to let people who might be in the same situation know that they are not alone. Every time I do, there will be at least one person who either nods or makes eye contact in a way which lets me know I am talking about territory which is familiar to them.

For those who are depressed, the advice is often to go and talk to someone. However it is not always clear exactly who that someone should be and the old saying that a problem shared is a problem halved in my experience is not always the case.  

When I first went to “talk to someone” years ago, I found that after an hour of concentrating on all the things that were upsetting in life, my problems felt trebled rather than halved. We spent so much time talking about problems that I used to leave feeling worse than when I had gone in.

That is not to say we should avoid talking about difficult issues – just that it is really important to find the right person to talk to about them. 

Find someone who makes you feel psychologically safe. Someone who has time to listen and who is not going to judge you for what you have done or how you are feeling. Being judged when you are at your lowest point will usually only increase any sense of guilt or shame you are already feeling. 

Whilst it is good to have a safe space to discuss the things that are on your mind – make sure you also think and talk about how you would like things to be instead. Do this even if you can’t see any logical way to get there. It is easy to get so tied up in what feels like a difficult situation that it can feel as if there is no way out. Feeling stuck and without hope is one of the worst places to be, so do everything you can to envision and describe a brighter future. 

Sentences starting with ‘one day I plan to...’ or “When this situation is over I will...’ help your subconscious mind start thinking about how to get unstuck. I have experienced many cases where just one conversation about a positive future has led to a person feeling more hopeful and less stuck than when they walked into the room. 

Back when I was having my own struggles, there were times when finding a way forward felt nigh on impossible. But through talking about how I envisioned a more positive future I started to gradually feel a renewed sense of hope. I am not claiming that life is perfect now, but they are certainly much better.

More importantly I have learnt that there is always hope even when the solutions are not immediately obvious. 

Talk to someone you trust, who has time to listen, who will not judge or try and solve things on your behalf. And have the courage to envision a better tomorrow even if you have no idea how to get there. Imagine it, talk about it, describe it and feel it.

It is often surprising how just by doing that you will suddenly feel a new sense of hope and start getting some ideas of exactly what you need to do to get there. I am sending a hug of hope to anyone out there who needs one right now.