THE run up to Christmas can be a challenging time for many people. In fact this year I have lost count of how many people I have heard saying they can’t wait for it all to be over.

For some, Christmas will be a time that can bring back painful memories of people they have lost. Others feel annoyed that the true meaning of Christmas has been forgotten and that the whole production is now too commercial.

Some are worried about the cost of it all and the pressure to try and meet the expectations of others. A few dread Christmas because of what they see as inevitable family arguments. I was talking about all of this the other day with my daughter Lucy who also works in the field of mental health. She had heard people saying the same kind of thing. Our family has also known some very difficult Christmasses – but we still look forward to it every year. Perhaps even more so these days. We reflected on why this was and came to the conclusion that it is because we have deliberately replaced all the difficult memories with our own family traditions.

One of our favourites is the Christmas Eve Buffet. This is something we have done for several years now and the idea is a very simple one. Whoever is around (family or friends) on Christmas Eve is invited to think of one or two items for the buffet.

Dishes do not need to have a Christmas theme but can be anything at all. One of my daughters chooses boiled eggs every year and we have even had baked beans included on the menu on the odd occasion. Mini pizzas make a regular appearance. The point is that our buffet is not expensive or exotic – it is just a collection of random things that are the personal favourites of the people there on the day.

We look forward to seeing what bizarre collection of dishes we come up with each year. Every Christmas Eve the buffet is slightly different but everyone is guaranteed to find something on the table that they enjoy. We also try not to make more than we will actually eat so that nothing is wasted.

The only firm rule is that no one is allowed to criticise anyone else’s choices. We stick to this very tightly and negotiations usually start about who will choose what several weeks in advance – which is half the fun of it all! Like most other families we are also having to scale back for Christmas this year. However for us this hasn’t detracted from our enjoyment of the season. We have just tried to come up with different and cheaper ways of doing things.

The trick of a happy Christmas in my opinion is to ignore everything other people say you should do and concentrate on finding ways to make Christmas your own. Whatever challenges Christmas might have thrown up for you in the past – find ways of establishing new, personal traditions which sit comfortably with your own beliefs and values.

None of these have to be expensive – our family enjoys going to church on Christmas morning and dancing to our favourite songs in the afternoon. Others have a Boxing Day walk on the beach and some play board games. One of my colleagues has an annual yule log competition with her family in which they buy a yule log from every supermarket throughout December and score them to see which is the best. The one with the highest marks is then the one they share on Christmas day.

By having your own personal or family traditions, it becomes easier to put to one side any painful Christmas memories of the past and start creating new, more positive, ones for the future.

You can also completely avoid the commercialism of Christmas and concentrate on the parts that align with your own values. May I wish all of you, however you choose to celebrate in this festive season, a very happy and peaceful run up to Christmas.