Words of inspiration from Dawlish-based psychotherapist and life coach Jody Merelle
Passing on positive feedback: Some of the world’s challenges can seem so large that it can easily feel as though there is nothing any of us can individually do about any of them.
Climate change and the pandemic are just two of the big ones of 2021. In addition there has been a lot of discussion about the mental health of the nation and how poor mental health is something which thousands struggle on with in silence.
Trying to have a meaningful impact on any of these things can feel overwhelming. We can each feel very small in comparison to the enormity of these big issues.
The one thing I would urge you to believe though, is the significant impact that a seemingly small deed can have. One small habit that we can all get into in terms of supporting positive mental health in others, is the passing on of positive feedback.
Newspapers and TV bulletins are invariably driven by reporting on what people are thought to have done wrong and what the rest of us think about that. Whilst this kind of reporting sells newspapers, it doesn’t encourage us to be positive about others or to tell them about it.
On the other hand, when we make a point of passing on anything positive that we hear about others, this can have a huge impact on the person who hears it.
It is part of the human experience to feel insecurity and doubt about our own self-worth.
We know that people suffering from depression often have a low sense of self-esteem and also that having a low opinion of oneself can easily result in low mood.
Therefore anything we can do to bolster a person’s sense of self-worth is also likely to have positive consequences on their mental health. Hearing a direct compliment is always nice, but hearing that something positive has been said ‘behind your back’ can often be even more powerful. The reason for this is that ‘positive gossip’ can’t be dismissed as ‘just someone being polite’ as it didn’t need to be said in the first place.
I try to get into the habit of listening out for anything positive that is being said by one person about another and then storing it away to be repeated to them later. In my work both in private practice and in a hospital setting I have been fortunate enough to have the chance of hearing many clients talk about their own sense of self-worth. This has taught me that it can sometimes be the smallest bit of good feedback that a person holds on to and which has kept them going rather than giving up.
We are often unaware of the enormous impact that we have on others – both when we treat people rudely and when we are kind. Passing on a compliment or a piece of good feedback may seem like a small thing to do – but the ripple effect that it can have on how a person feels can be very significant indeed.
Passing on positive feedback is also a joy in itself.
It often feels like a critical and judgemental world that we live in. People everywhere are feeling unheard and unvalued.
Surely then it’s even more important to pass on positive feedback whenever we can – at the same time reminding others that they each have worth and value.
What might seem like one small positive comment to you might turn out to be the most impactful thing that someone else has ever heard.