Words of inspiration from Dawlish-based psychotherapist and life coach Jody Merelle
I SPEND a lot of my time at work doing my best to support NHS staff with their sense of wellbeing.
The other day I was in a workshop with a newly formed team, several of whom had never met each other before. When we talked about our objectives for the day, the team were clear that one of the most important things for them was to get to know each other better. As part of this I asked everyone to tell the others something (other than work-related things) that they were good at. The usual thing happened. At least a third of the group said that they “could not think of anything”. At the same time, I only needed to ask a couple of questions to discover all kinds of talents – professionals working in a second language, people who could sing, dance, play various sports, bake cakes or had done huge things to support others in need. The problem was not that the group did not have any talents, but that they were having trouble remembering them, celebrating them and saying them out loud.
Having spent several years as a language teacher, I used to see the same sometimes crippling self-doubt there too. I could guarantee that any time I asked a new group of students to introduce themselves, at least half of them would include in their brief intro how bad at languages they were!
Despite this general reluctance to celebrate our own talents, in all my years in mental health and in life in general before that, I have never yet come across a person who did not have any. We all have them – every one of us. We just seem to find it really hard to take ownership of our skills and talents and feel proud of them. I understand of course that most of us want to avoid coming across as arrogant – banging on about our talents whenever we have the chance. However it is completely possible to feel self-assured and take ownership of your talents without being the slightest bit arrogant.
It often saddens me how at school we spend so much time thinking about pie charts, spellings or volcanoes but almost no time at all thinking about how to maintain a positive sense of wellbeing. We know that having a positive sense of self-esteem is crucial to wellbeing and that a low sense of self-esteem is linked closely with depression. Surely then we should be doing all we can to support people to believe in themselves and in their own skills and talents?
This week, when you have some time, spend a few minutes reminding yourself of things you are especially good at. It might even be something that you haven’t done for ages that you could think about doing again. If nothing comes to mind immediately, think about when you last received genuine praise or good feedback for something. What was it for? What are the things that others come to you for help with? Not only is this a way to give your sense of self-esteem a little boost, but you might well feel inspired to restart something that you haven’t done in ages.
Just this morning I spoke to someone whose greatest joy in the last week had been baking a magnificent cake for a family member. This hadn’t taken away all her other troubles and challenges, but it had certainly helped to cheer her up through a difficult time. Her sense of pride as she showed me a photo was clear. She was even considering cake-making as an alternative career. Another lady told me last week that having been reminded of her talent at art she was now feeling inspired to start painting over the weekend. The smile on her face when she talked about this was telling.
Everyone is good at something, including you. Remembering and celebrating your skills does not make you arrogant – it just means that you have taken an important first step towards boosting your sense of value and self-worth. In this complicated and challenging world, this is one small way we can move towards finding some balance and maintaining a positive and healthy sense of wellbeing.