This last week has been full of all kinds of emotions in our family.
Just 10 days ago we found out that the house we have been renting in Dawlish has been sold by the owner, meaning of course that we will have to move out and find somewhere else to live.
In reality however, with house prices (both sale and rental) having sky-rocketed over the past few months, we are now likely to be priced out of the market and may well have to leave Dawlish altogether.
With more and more houses being used for holiday lets rather than family homes, there is a real shortage of available rental properties for ordinary families.
That shortage means that landlords can charge what they like in rent so they are now often much more than a mortgage would be.
The result is that housing here is becoming too expensive for many ordinary people without large amounts of capital or high paying jobs.
So that has left us with a dilemma, do we try and work out a way to stay in a place we love but can no longer realistically afford to live in? Or do we accept defeat and move somewhere less expensive or alternatively go back to Finland where we were living before?
Although the details will always of course be different, I hear about dilemmas such as these with clients all the time.
Situations where what you really want is determined by factors beyond your own control and where your own hopes and dreams do not match up with what is actually available.
In these situations it can be useful to step away from the dilemma itself for a moment.
Think about the situation rather like a tree. It can be good to draw one too. Think of the roots as the strengths and resources that you have used in the past to overcome problems such as these.
They may include qualities such as resilience, determination, creativity, optimism and focus, in addition to people that are genuinely on your side or anything else that comes to mind.
The trunk of the tree then becomes the life principles that you wish to live by. What is really important to you?
The trunk can include things like family, career, good health, living ecologically, being close to nature or spiritual beliefs as well as principles such as honesty, authenticity and the wish to inspire or help others. The trunk is all about the way in which you wish to live your own life.
Now you have the roots and trunk of your tree, you can start thinking about the branches – the options that you have in that particular situation.
Thinking about these options whilst bearing in mind both your strengths and principles might generate some new ideas and help you come up with choices that feel acceptable to you.
The branches can be both direct solutions to your dilemma or more general goals that you would like to achieve.
I used this tree method recently in a workshop, and it was inspiring how the participants all managed to come up with branches full of hope and promise for the future despite the challenges they were facing.
Once you have done this, the final step is to start thinking about the leaves as being the small steps you can take towards your chosen goals.
Often, when we feel muddled and confused, it can be hard to find a new perspective or sort out the available options in our heads. In these situations, talking to someone else can be very helpful.
Having to explain your thoughts to someone else often helps with sorting it out for yourself. It is also useful to put something on paper – whether in words or as a drawing, as our brains often find it easier to find different perspectives and solutions once the situation is externalised and becomes visual.
So whatever challenge or dilemma you might be facing at the moment, don’t give up hope. The solution or right choice may not yet be obvious, but it is there somewhere and it will reveal itself eventually.
Whilst the leaves of a tree die in the autumn, the roots and trunk remain – ready to give life to new leaves every spring.
Your own leaves are all there waiting for you and you never know, once they appear your own tree might end up being the most beautiful it’s ever been.