Owen Paterson MP has been found guilty by the House of Commons Standards Committee of inappropriate lobbying for the companies that pay him consultancy fees. A great deal of media publicity has covered his comment that the stress of the investigation was likely part of his wife Rose’s decision to commit suicide. She hanged herself at their country estate on June 24, 2020.

Mr Paterson’s reference to his wife’s suicide and the stress he says the investigation into his behaviour was placing on her at the time leaves me a little queasy.

The tragedy of her death should not actually have an impact on judgements over whether or not he is guilty.

I have been badly treated, he claims and fair enough. He has every right to make that claim. However, blaming the standards committee’s actions for his wife’s decision to end her life is, despite being understandable, entirely wrong.

The reasons why people kill themselves cannot be and should not be pressed into simple explanations. The only person who knows the reality of the ‘why’ is the suicidal person themselves. Those of us on the sidelines can only try to provide the mental healthcare and community support mechanisms to catch people in their despair and help them back to health.

This is something Mr Paterson’s Conservative party conspicuously fails to do with its swingeing cuts to healthcare, its inability to retain nursing staff and its disregard for the complex needs of our young people.

A family member repeatedly tried to harm herself, at one point jumping off a brick wall and breaking all the bones in her feet. She was a dancer.

She has since trained as a mental healthcare nurse and is the sort of bright and loving young woman that makes me want to believe in God so I can say thank you to a higher authority that she exists!

I have learned a great deal from her. She had terrific support from local services but she was lucky – access to mental healthcare is a lottery.

What struck me with some force is that Mrs Paterson hanged herself in the woods at their marital home on her husband’s birthday.

It will be impossible for him and their family to disconnect the memory of his previous happy birthdays from the unimaginable horror of her death.

Every ‘Happy Birthday Card’ from now on, will be a reminder of her suicide, every unwelcome email from a marketing company saying ‘happy birthday here’s 10% off some socks’, every party a family member might want to hold for him will have at its centre the memory of that day.

In her death, on his birthday, Rose Paterson has ensured, whether deliberately or not, that her agony will never be forgotten; the fact of her despair will be present in Mr Paterson’s world like a tent peg rammed into the ground on every one of his birthdays from now on.

My heart goes out to everybody who loved Mrs Patterson. It goes out to everybody who knows somebody in despair, who has lost somebody to suicide, who has themselves stared into the dark and thought ‘That’s it, I can’t go on’.

We need better support services. We must train and fund more community-based counsellors and therapists.

I can only hope that our Devon MPs will vote on whether to accept the report from the House of Commons standards committee based on their independent objective assessment and not go by party lines.

They should not allow Mrs Paterson’s suicide to change their position on Mr Paterson’s actions. Standards assessments must be independent. Decisions over a person’s guilt should not be about liking or feeling sad for them although, certainly, decisions about the penalties may well be tempered by mitigating circumstances. For our democracy’s sake our MPs must be accountable for their actions and their peers must demand the highest standards.

I know from experience that the Samaritans is a charity which listens. They are there for people all hours of the day and night.

Call 116 123 to talk to somebody who is trained to listen and not to judge. If you have internet access and you’re also looking for information and support. Go to: www.samaritans.org.