I SUSPECT that most people reading this will have said ‘How are you?’ several times over the past few days.

And you have also probably been asked the same question (or something similar) back. ‘How are you?’ ‘how are things?’, ‘how’s life?’ and ‘how is it going?’ are just some of the standard phrases which have become part of the natural way we greet each other these days.

A typical conversation opener can be something like ‘Hi Joe, how are you?’ ‘Fine thanks, you?’ ‘Yeah fine… (conversation then continues with something else entirely).’

We have become very used to both asking and answering this question – and for most of us the standard ‘I’m fine’ is the automatic answer that we give in response.

The truth is though, that many people are anything but fine at the moment.

People are struggling with all kinds of worries, and for some there isn’t really any opportunity to share them either. The ‘How are you?’ question presents such a possibility in theory, but in practice it has become little more than a tag-on to our way of politely greeting each other.

If you just want to be polite, then that’s fine. But if you really want to know how someone is, then I would suggest that the question is worth asking twice.

I have now started doing this as standard. After the initial ‘I’m fine’ answer, I will almost always ask the question again. I might smile and say something like ‘Are you genuinely fine? Or is there also another answer to that question?’ The form of words doesn’t matter – the point is that by asking twice you are pushing past simple politeness and asking someone again how they actually are.

Interestingly, I have found that in about two thirds of cases, the answer changes with the second time of asking. What you are doing is giving someone an opportunity to tell you how they really are if they want to do so.

Your question is also saying that you are not just being polite but are genuinely interested in their welfare. You care. This is a very simple thing but it can be very powerful. There are too many people out there at the moment who are feeling alone, unseen and worried.

Of course we can’t take away everyone’s problems. But if we can at least reach out and let people know that we are interested, we genuinely care how they are and we are there to listen, then that is a big step in the right direction.