AT primary school, I remember sleeping over at my friend Martine’s house (name changed). When her Dad came to turn out the light, he kissed her good night on the mouth. I remember thinking that was a bit icky and hoping he wouldn’t want to do that to me. He didn’t.

As an eight- year-old, naturally enough, I defined odd as anything that was different to my own life at home, writes columnist Alison Eden.

The image stuck with me though to this day. Martine didn’t react at all. Not surprisingly. It is certainly not unusual to see parents kissing their children on the mouth. For me, though, it’s something that makes me recoil. I don’t know if Martine’s Dad kissed his young son on the mouth in the same way. I doubt it.

I have, like most women, experienced unwelcome invasion of my physical and emotional space by men.

I have turned down the sexual advances of other people’s husbands in the workplace, I have shrunk from the touch of a hand on my shoulder or back. I have shuffled my chair out of reach of ‘accidental’ contact by a man’s leg. I have also dodged many a mouth-to-mouth encounter from various men who assumed my lips were available. And so on and so on…

But I am 59 now and the unwelcome intrusions of men as described above should really be SO yawningly last century. Alas they are not. 

Luis Rubiales, the 46-year-old President of the Spanish Football Federation embraced footballer Jenni Hermoso in the post-world-cup line-up and trapped her in a two-handed head-hold from which he planted a kiss on her mouth.  In the spotlight of the world’s gaze and media he supplied a perfect example of macho entitlement. He literally helped himself to the woman in front of him.

It’s breath-taking the way Rubiales has doubled-down claiming innocence and that Hermoso consented. He clearly believes he has done absolutely nothing wrong. As does his devoted mother who is now on hunger strike in a Spanish church as a protest against the condemnation he is receiving. 

I feel some sympathy for Rubiales. He’s typical of millions and millions of antediluvian macho men and because he was caught on camera he is now a condemned symbol for all of them. 

He’s a noun as in ‘Don’t do a Rubiales’. But despite some pity for him, I consider what happened to be profoundly helpful. It has raised awareness of the day-to-day assault course that is some women’s lives where it doesn’t matter what you’re wearing or doing, you can be in the mankiest of stained cardigans, reading ‘Fat is a feminist issue’, picking your nose and wearing a badge that says ‘Men both bore and revolt me’ and you will still risk some random bloke thinking you’re fair game for a bit of ‘banter’ and a planted kiss. 

What does unsolicited touch do? It owns a person. It says ‘I have power over you and will invade your space without any interest in your wishes’.  It says ‘you are an object for me to handle how I wish – you are not an equal and you have no right to consent.’

For me, it’s the way he had his arm preventing her from moving back while he moved his hands to hold either side of her face that disturbs me the most – that’s not a ‘hold’ that looks easy to escape from