I AM phoning HMRC today about my self-assessment tax return. I’m going to tell them what I think of their disappointingly incorrect, automated calculation. 

Then I’m going to be magnanimous and graciously (I’m a public servant after all) tell them that I will pay a part of what they bizarrely seem to think I owe. And then I’m going to say how much and when I am prepared to pay. And they will be grateful.

Then I wake up. Alas, I am not Nadhim Zahawi MP, the Conservative minister who when in charge of HMRC (yes really) negotiated how many millions he would pay them in personal tax and a fine. It seems that the more money you have, the easier it is to hold on to it.

Then this week has also brought more Boris Johnson antics. He might as well emblazon ‘the greatest Prime Minister the UK has ever had’ on his jacket. 

There he is, in Ukraine, greeting PM Zelensky and behaving as though he’s a world leader when he’s just a former Prime Minister who is ‘still’ in the news for yet more parliamentary intrigue and financial whirligiggery. Forget Nadhim Zahawi’s tax return, it’s Boris Johnson’s I want to see!

Desperately seeking importance is an unattractive trait in politicians when the drive is so conspicuously vanity laced with a pretence of wanting to ‘help people’. 

In business we use a model called a RACI to help establish roles and responsibility. In every project, somebody must be ‘responsible’ ‘accountable’ ‘consulted’ and ‘informed’. 

As a humble MP without a government portfolio, Boris Johnson fits into precisely none of those categories vis à vis foreign policy. But he can’t leave the world’s stage. 

He’s a bit like the stalkery ex-partner who won’t accept they’ve been dumped and still sends you presents and cards. 

We’ve all moved on Mr Johnson! He’s not even ‘minister without portfolio’ which is an actual position in government amazingly enough. (That’s like being a director of a company ‘without point or purpose’.) And guess what… Nadhim Zahawi’s been ‘minister without portfolio’ since October 2022.

Many private companies at this time of year are deciding what bonuses and wage increases to award staff. 

Some businesses use a merit-based system and rate their employees against a set of ‘competencies’ matching it against company performance. Meanwhile, our essential workers, our ambulance crews, nurses, paramedics, posties and carers are visiting foodbanks. Upside down priorities in parliament seems to be a feature of our struggling society. 

If a paramedic is striking because they are fearful of the decline in funding and maintenance of our health service, I’m going to listen. 

You don’t get paid when you strike. It’s not a jolly day off with mates. You can see the strain on their faces when interviewed and asked by reporters why they’re making the problems worse by being off work. It’s heart-breaking.

So to those striking in Devon, I say this – thank you for your dedication and courage. It’s a shame more Labour and Liberal Democrat MPs aren’t joining you on the picket line!